Spare A Thought For The Groom!

He’s going through the mill.

Statistics show that 99.9% of men getting married would rather be doing anything other than preparing for the big day. Mowing the lawn is no longer a chore, they’ll even trim the edges and sweep the drive afterwards. And if the car needs a wash too? Awesome!

But getting fitted for a suit? For fu… goodness’ sake.

Those statistics may or may not be true, but I do know the average fella isn’t tuned into big preparations of any kind. For my own wedding it was easy. My beautiful wife had everything sorted and I just had to go into a shop, with my wife, choose a reasonable looking suit, with my wife, make sure it fitted, with my wife, find some shoes, with my wife, and I was good to go. I’m very lucky in that most of the gear in the shops fits straight off the shelf for me, so it was very much a case of bing bang boo, that’ll do.

But in conversation with a mate lately, I was hearing about fittings, matching suits for the hundreds or so groomsmen, pageboys and carpark attendants, going shopping for ties, “wedding things”, venues, cakes, invitations — hell, it was scaring me! And I thought the best man had a tough job.

And then, of course, there’s the rehearsal. What evil-minded, masochistic son of a person could have come up with this idea? A rehearsal?

A wedding before the wedding! Are you having a laugh? Can’t we just wing it?

I’ve been winging it all my life, just follow the lead of the fella at the front. He even tells you what to say!

But noooo, we go along with this “preparation” for the good of our futures, to prolong our lives if you will. Because if you have so much as a foot out of place when you’re standing alongside your goddess, you’ll feel two eyes boring holes through your skull… trust me, at this point just keep looking straight ahead. Don’t worry, she won’t say anything at the time because the vicar will be holding court in front of you (but there will be plenty of time for that later… oh yes, plenty of time).

But back to the groom.

On top of his planning, preparation and whatnot, he has to come up with a classy speech. It doesn’t have to be much, just about how they met, how his life has changed for the better, how he now has beautiful in-laws, a load of thank you’s, a few jokes at the best man’s expense before he returns the favour, and he’s pretty much there. Easy.

Not.

Some guys find it easy, some find it extremely difficult, but I can help with that. If you want to put down the basics, I can rearrange it into a poem or speech that you’ll feel comfortable with, and will also help the beautiful bride forget about all the cock-ups you made during the ceremony.

Worried because it won’t have come from you, or the heart? That it isn’t real, or natural? Let’s be perfectly honest here, nothing about this wedding business has been natural so far, so work on getting the tears flowing, and laughter rolling, and keep your stress to a minimum.

Get this part right, come out the hero, and then celebrate with a few pints with the lads as per. Sorted.

For the ladies…

In case you’ve been reading any of this, and you probably shouldn’t in case you go questioning your intended spouse, but that’s life. We can’t change nature.

Geezers, lads, gents in the broader sense, aren’t generally interested in all the palaver that goes along with a marriage — that’s just the way it is. Isn’t it enough that they let you go out and spend months organising absolutely everything, and still turn up on the big day to make you happy? Let’s be honest, it’s not a lot to ask.

Sooooo…

Lads, gents, please get in touch, message me here, or email me at thebestmanspoem@yahoo.com and let’s make at least one part of this wedding easy… and pleasurable.

Speak soon, Ben.

P.s. Some of that may have been tongue in cheek…
P.p.s. I think I feel eyes boring holes…

 

 

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The Feelgood Factor!

The Feelgood Factor!

And what the hell does that have to do with being the best man?

Pretty soon you’re going to be taking the floor and trying to wow an audience. It’s not enough that you know a few funny stories about the groom, that won’t cut it alone. You need to be able to deliver those stories in a humorous, heartfelt way.

“That’s ok, I’ll wing it.”

And I’ve done that too, and I also know it rarely works. The big day arrives and the pressure builds all the way up to the speeches. Nerves set in, the confidence begins to subside and your mind goes blank. You develop a stutter you never had before and you’re unable to drink without dribbling. Nice.

What about the feelgood thing?

The feelgood factor is a quality in something that makes you feel happy and positive about your life, a product… and even your best man’s speech.

When you have it you can take on anything, beat any odds and wow your audience with every word uttered. It’s like having your best mate right behind you for backup.

That would feel pretty good, wouldn’t it?

So take in some backup!

Arm yourself with the best ending to a speech you can get and let me write a poem for you. I promise it’ll be unique to you and the groom, not generic slush full of the usual wedding jokes.

Email me today at thebestmanspoem@yahoo.com to find out more — there’s only one shot at that speech!

To finish I’m going to leave something I was sent the other day, and is probably the best testimonial I’ve received. This poem had a bit of everything in it and seemed to hit a chord. So thanks D, it was very much appreciated!

Hay Ben Im soo amazed!!! Me and my girl friend were just laughing and then crying while reading this in bed! It is so spot on I can’t even begin to say!!! Yes I will make the pauses in the right places!! If you ever come back to England i will get the drinks in. Mate thankyou so much once again, lost for words!! 
Kindest regards 

Apologies, Alcohol and Expense!

Firstly,

I must apologise for the lack of posts, but more importantly, my lack of replies lately! It seems I’ve missed out on quite a few potential poems because I got sucked in with other projects. Damn! No excuses – I hate to let people down so all I can say is I hope all went well for the big day.

So, that brings me onto the next subject – Alcohol!

It’s what makes a great wedding! Pint after pint, Champagne’s a flowing, just the job to get that speech underway.

Hmm, while it does help to ease the nerves, too much and you run the risk of making a fool of yourself, the bride and groom!

And it’s not as easy to apologise to a room full of people as it was for me with this blog post. (Don’t forget, you might be having breakfast with the same crowd in the morning!)

But that’s enough of the preaching.

So you’ve lashed out loads on the stag do, drunk more beer than any living man has a right to, but are prepared to skimp on the thing that everyone remembers – the speech!

Yes, weddings are costly, but you might only get one chance to make it count. I can knock a cracking poem together, out of your favourite memories, for as little as ten bucks a verse! It’s something you and the groom can keep forever. He’s gonna love it, the bride’s gonna love it and, just as importantly, the family and friends are gonna love it. You’ll be the stand-out hero, and the feeling you get when everyone’s laughing along with you (and not at you) is one of the best in the world.

Get in touch today, and make it easy on yourself. It’s the perfect end to any speech.

So email me today at thebestmanspoem@yahoo.com and let’s ease the burden of your big day!

The Best Man By Far!

The Honour is all Yours!

That’s the one thing you need to remember from the start.

It might be scary, it might be a nuisance, it might even be a pain in the ass, but your best mate, or your brother, or your dad – whoever it is – wants you to be the main man for him on the day.

So what exactly are the best man’s duties before the big day?

The Stag Night.

The groom can be a bit wary on this subject, with good reason, so you might have to work with him a little here.

Some will want full control – I’ve had that and it’s annoying (I pretty well left one of them to organise it himself in the end because he was getting too involved, but that’s the exception to the rule). Work out a venue for a good weekend or night away, find out which mates of his are going and get in touch with them all. Most will want to help out anyway so it probably won’t be a one-man effort. Try and make sure everyone is capable of doing any physical activities you have lined up, and get the readies upfront, because it can be hard getting money at the end of an expensive weekend – this I also know. Now get plenty of beer and enjoy!

The Rehearsal

Yeah, we all have to go through this too. Keep your gob shut and help out where necessary. Remember where you have to stand, when to sit down, when to hand over the ring (don’t ever forget that ring!) and, above all, be there for the main man at all times. It’ll be over before you know it.

Unless asked, I’d be inclined to steer clear of any organising of honeymoons, transportation to the wedding etc. because most couples will have this in the bag. I don’t personally believe you should get involved with that aspect, but I have heard of occasions where it’s a given that you’ll be sorting it. Play it by ear, but this is something the happy couple should’ve cleared up ages ago.

Speech Speech Speech…

My advice is to start working on this the day you’re asked to be best man. I always put it off, and have even been fixing it up on the morning of the wedding, but give yourself a fighting chance and start writing stuff down – NOW!

I work better under pressure, but that’s not the same for everyone. If you’re struggling, jot some ideas down on paper and send them to me.

I’ll rework them into a poem that’s guaranteed to make the audience laugh, make you look and feel GREAT and makes a fantastic gift for the groom too!

Email me at thebestmanspoem@yahoo.com today, and take the hard work out of being the best man!