C’mon Chaps, We Have To Stand Together!

It’s all about us!

It’s on our shoulders boys, it’s time to wise up. You’re going into the unknown here, and you have to deliver a speech impeccably. You want everyone in awe as they hang on each and every word uttered from your quivering lips. It’s not a pleasant thought.

You’re nervous, you want the toilet, then an earthquake to take the building down, or even Donald Trump to press the button just so you can get out of this situation!

Yes, it’s serious.

But why? You’re just a bit-part at a wedding. Someone who’s probably helped arrange a session on the beer and an afternoons paint balling. The rings have been handed over, so the last part of your duties is the speech. Done.

I’ll tell you why it’s serious if you just let me finish. You are the most important person at this wedding. Sure, the bride and groom have their little place, but the comedy genius is remembered forever. And that, my friend, is going to be you.

Now, if the groom treads on the bride’s dress ripping it apart leaving her in her undies, the laughs will go on forever (and it won’t matter how funny your speech is). But because this is as likely as Donald Trump starting World War 3 just as you’re about to start your speech, you’d do well to ensure your little talk is going to blow them away.

You see, weddings are pretty much just a wedding. We’ve all been there, got drunk, had a great time, but the one bit they all look forward to is that speech. The speech you’re about to deliver. So you are actually the most important fella there. Remember it.

How many times have I written about who not to offend, how to take it easy on the rudeness, almost let something slip but not quite. Get this right and you’re going on YouTube for the right reasons.

So think about this. Get up and thank a few people, try a couple of jokes maybe, and then what about delivering a knockout poem that leaves everybody in stitches?

Let me write one for you and I guarantee you’ll get laughs and your audience will be putty in your hands. If you’re confident enough to get through the whole thing on your own, great, you don’t need my help. But if you get even slightly nervous standing up in front of a crowd, get in touch.

I know only too well how your mind can go blank in those circumstances. Have a poem ready and be the most important person of the day! (The bride and groom will be glad you did too.)

I’m Ben, and I can be found at thebestmanspoem@yahoo.com — speak soon.

The Feelgood Factor!

The Feelgood Factor!

And what the hell does that have to do with being the best man?

Pretty soon you’re going to be taking the floor and trying to wow an audience. It’s not enough that you know a few funny stories about the groom, that won’t cut it alone. You need to be able to deliver those stories in a humorous, heartfelt way.

“That’s ok, I’ll wing it.”

And I’ve done that too, and I also know it rarely works. The big day arrives and the pressure builds all the way up to the speeches. Nerves set in, the confidence begins to subside and your mind goes blank. You develop a stutter you never had before and you’re unable to drink without dribbling. Nice.

What about the feelgood thing?

The feelgood factor is a quality in something that makes you feel happy and positive about your life, a product… and even your best man’s speech.

When you have it you can take on anything, beat any odds and wow your audience with every word uttered. It’s like having your best mate right behind you for backup.

That would feel pretty good, wouldn’t it?

So take in some backup!

Arm yourself with the best ending to a speech you can get and let me write a poem for you. I promise it’ll be unique to you and the groom, not generic slush full of the usual wedding jokes.

Email me today at thebestmanspoem@yahoo.com to find out more — there’s only one shot at that speech!

To finish I’m going to leave something I was sent the other day, and is probably the best testimonial I’ve received. This poem had a bit of everything in it and seemed to hit a chord. So thanks D, it was very much appreciated!

Hay Ben Im soo amazed!!! Me and my girl friend were just laughing and then crying while reading this in bed! It is so spot on I can’t even begin to say!!! Yes I will make the pauses in the right places!! If you ever come back to England i will get the drinks in. Mate thankyou so much once again, lost for words!! 
Kindest regards 

Wedding Myth Busting: Beer Will Get Me Through The Speech.

Steve Hesketh Photography.

Good Old Dutch Courage.

With the wedding ceremony done and dusted, you rush to the reception as quickly as the driver can get you there — but even Jason Statham in a hurry wouldn’t be fast enough today. It’ll be the only time you’ve tried to be at the bar first, because it’s important to down six pints before sitting down for the meal. You’re the best man, you need a relaxer, a few pints as per, and a double JD and coke to sip while you’re knocking out the speech you threw together last night. Job’s a fish.

The Meal.

Everyone’s sat down. Everyone’s enjoying themselves. And everyone’s tucking in to a cracking meal… while relaxed. Everyone but you. The food might just as well be cardboard because there’s only two things on your mind right now — the speech, and the desperate need for more alcohol to relax. Oh, the joys of being a best man.

The guests are chatting, getting merry and waiting for the, all important, speeches to start. There’s a good atmosphere, and the father of the bride gets up and delivers a heart warming, funny speech. (Tosser!) The applause is amazing and the audience is almost salivating, lapping up every word. Let’s hope the groom gets up and is really unfunny. Please…

So, of course, the groom gets up and he’s bloody hilarious, he even has a dig at you. (Bastard!) Just wait until I get up, I’m going to be so funny now I’ve had a few, the comedy just rolls off the tongue after a few beers.

Finally the room falls silent after another rapturous applause, and all eyes are on you. You take another swig and try to stand, but your legs aren’t working properly. Wobbling to your feet, you look around and squeak a quick hello. You try to thank the bridesmaids; there’s brief laughter followed by silent disbelief as you instead mutter something about a spank. But that’s the least of your worries because the mother-in-law has just taken offence to something about “an old dragon”, yes the words are really flowing now! As the  father of the bride makes his way over to take a swing, you find the crowd divided; half of your audience want you to go on all night, the rest want you removed from the building. Either way, YouTube will let you relive that golden speech for years.

But I Digress… Does It Help?

Regarding nerves, it didn’t make a blind bit of difference to me, or those I’ve spoken to since. Sure, a couple of drinks helps the mood, but I was still nervous as hell. What really gets you through is knowing that the speech you’re about to deliver isn’t going to offend, will be funny, and will get the crowd behind you, not against you.

The only way to nail all three is to consider all aspects while… sober. You want the bride, groom, family and friends to laugh and warm to you. Tell funny stories without being crude, or leave them out altogether. Ask yourself would it offend your mother? Grandmother? It’s a simple test and you’ll be glad you used it.


If unsure, play it safe. Use different material and just have a couple of drinks… or get properly mullered and go down in a blaze of best man’s glory! (And please send me the link:)


If you have a wedding coming up and need a hand with your speech, get in touch today.


HELP! I’m Petrified About My Best Man’s Speech!

So the news has sunk in. You’re the best man, but all you can think about is the speech and how you’re going to get through it. You hate talking in public, you’re nervous and would gladly take a fall to get out of this awful duty.

Sounds bad, but probably true.

Apparently, 63% of best men say that the speech had a major impact on their enjoyment of the wedding. And they’d probably rather the ground swallow them up, than stand up and try to be funny. And that’s the thing, it’s not just the standing up and thanking people, it’s the fact that everyone at the wedding is expecting to be entertained by a professional comedian. Quick, where’s the toilet?

But… what if I could give you the ammunition to go out there and blow everyone away?

What if you had the confidence to actually enjoy this evil task?

Believe me, when you have the whole place laughing, and dying to hear more, you’ll wish you could stand up there all night long. It’s better than a drug, and you’ll be addicted.

So what do I do?

It’s simple, email me at thebestmanspoem or message me on my Facebook page, and I will get the relevant details to make a start.

You’ll get a poem you can just read out from a piece of A4 — how easy would that be?

It’ll be funny, it’ll be heartfelt and, best of all, it won’t offend anyone that matters. And trust me, that matters.

Is it really that easy?

The hardest part for anyone will be the initial standing up. Just get up and give a brief introduction, thank the various bridesmaids, the mothers, the good folks who’ve travelled halfway round the world etc. and then just tell the audience you’re going to read out a poem. If you’re nervous during the initial introduction that’s great because the audience will warm to you. They want you to do well and, if you look scared, all they’ll want to do is help you. This is win-win.

You will have practised the poem a few times at home so you know just where to pause, and how to deliver it correctly (this is far easier than it sounds). Just speak clearly, and loud enough for everyone to hear, and knock ’em bandy!

I guarantee by the end of the first first verse they’ll be laughing, and you will love every minute of it.

So guys, get in touch. It’s one of those occasions you only get one shot at, so make it count!


Get on YouTube for the right reasons!

You can’t get away from video anymore. There’s always someone with an iPhone ready to upload. Which is why you don’t want to go into a speech unprepared.

Cock it up, take the piss out of the wrong people, or just get completely drunk and you’re guaranteed to have everybody laughing at you time and time again!

But… reel off a witty, well-written poem and you might have people saying you are the man. The best man! And that could be nice.

So here’s an idea.

Write down a few things you’d like to say about the groom, thank the mothers, the bridesmaids and just keep it nice. Then launch into a funny poem that does it’s best to make the groom not only squirm, but actually enjoy it, so everyone’s happy. Doesn’t that sound better?

If that’s a bit of you, get in touch. It’s only ten bucks a verse, that’s all, and you’ll come out of this looking like the best, best man ever.

Email me now at thebestmanspoem – you’ll be so glad you did.


If you’re wondering what will make your poem work, here’s the basics I need:

  • The bride and groom’s name. Yes, surprisingly I need this. I try to talk about them both, get a congratulations in there somewhere and keep the poem personable. It’s important.
  • How long you’ve known the groom. I’ll start off by saying how you met, how long ago and give a little history. A lot of the audience might not even know who you are. Let them get to know you, warm to you and they’ll love your speech.
  • His hobbies/interests/habits. With any luck he collects film star’s toenails, has a comb-over, or plays golf in ridiculous clothes. Whatever, I’ll try to incorporate it and make everyone laugh. Give me as much as possible, it makes it easier.
  • Funny stories. There has to be one… surely? The slightest thing might get a laugh if written correctly. If you can’t talk about the full story, let me hint at it and watch him squirm.
  • How he met the bride. The most important person in that room is the bride. It’s her big day and she wants to feel special. A lot of time and money has gone into this day so don’t ruin it. The groom will take the knocks and jokes at his expense, but the bride won’t want things to go over the top, and there will be people filming so keep it nice. You will come across far better if the bride is happy (the groom will be happier too).
  • As a couple. What do they do? What plans do they have? If there’s something good, I’ll try and get it across. Keep it basic – it’s not as important as the other points but useful if you’re struggling for funny stories.
  • What about you? Is there something that’s especially important to you? Again, basic is better, but it’s your speech so write it down and let me know.

Email me now at thebestmanspoem – be the best best man!


An Example of a Sample… Poem

As can be expected, a lot of guys want to know exactly what their best man’s poem will look like. Are the verses all four lines long, will it rhyme, and will the bridesmaids fall head-over-heels in love with me when I read it out?

Yes, yes, and maybe…

So I thought I’d better add another sample of a poem I wrote, just to give you a heads-up. Every poem is unique, written from the information you give me. If I don’t have enough, I’ll quiz you some more until we get it right. When it’s done you will have the added confidence to nail your speech. It doesn’t matter how the first bit goes, once you get into the poem and the guests are all laughing, you’re going to be the hero.

Take a look at this and you’ll get an idea on how it will look, and if you do have best man’s duties to perform, just write to me at thebestmanspoem today.


It took quite a while, to warm to this chap,

His clothes were a mess, and his hairstyle crap.

But that’s just the way, with people like Pete,

And now I don’t notice, his big smelly feet!

For a midweek drink, we’d often indulge,

And go cycling next day, to work off the bulge.

By the weekend we’d need, a beer fix again,

The week soon forgotten, once we’d drunk ten!

In the years since we met, he’s done funny things,

And he brightens up work, ‘cause he always sings.

When a job goes tits-up, or the workshop’s aflame,

I guarantee now, old Pete gets the blame!

He can get quite flustered, when a customer moans,

And he won’t let it go, like a dog with a bone.

His face goes bright red, and his veins start to pop,

And it’s wise to move on, before you get dropped!

Thanks for reading, and I look forward to hearing from you…

Best Man’s Speeches Made Easy!

It’s a stressful time guys!

You get asked to be best man, but all you can think of is the sheer fear of standing up in front of a crowd of people and, ultimately, make them laugh. No pressure huh?

Well don’t worry, because help is at hand. I can give you the ammo to go in with confidence brimming, safe in the knowledge that no matter how your speech itself goes (if you’re doing one), you’re about to blow this audience away.

How? Read on…

My personal opinion goes a bit like this. Get up and introduce yourself first; it’s the worst part so breathe easy and just get on with it – ’cause it ain’t going away. Wait for them to give you a bit of peace and quiet before you start so that everyone can hear you. Repeat this to yourself several times before the big day so it’s ingrained in your subconscious. Repetition before the event is how you’re going to cope when the nerves take over, it’s very simple when you break it down. Going in thinking you can carry it without preparation is the surest way to cock it up.

Ok, it’s quiet and everyone is staring straight at you and all they want is to be entertained, no one wants to see you fail. Keep that in mind – they want you to succeed, they want you to be the best entertainment since seeing Peter Kay live. More pressure? No, any mistakes you make now (and you will unless you’re a natural public speaker, and even they do) won’t matter because you have the audiences’ complete support. Remember that, it’s very powerful so use it to your advantage.

What should I say first?

Introduce yourself. You might think you sound like a lemon, but a lot of the audience will never have met you and it’s up to you to tell them, “Hi, I’m Ben Vaughan, and I’m Jon’s best man.” That’s all you need (you might want to change the names to suit).

Try to avoid talking about how nervous you are, it’ll just make things worse for you and they don’t need to hear it. Look confident and put on some bravado, believe me they have no idea how nervous you are. The way you look, stand and speak may well convince all of them that you do this everyday. You’ve started talking, they are now in the palm of your hand. You are in control and it’s going to get better!

And secondly…

Ok, so thank the people that matter. The bridesmaids, the mothers, whoever else is on that list. This is where you’ll start to feel at ease because you’re moving attention to other people in the room. It’s not just you on display now and that always helps. You’re also making people feel good about themselves now, and that stands you in good stead with the audience. They love this, and they’ll love you.

If you’ve been asked to read out a few cards, or tell them all how far someone has travelled, get it done now. The more small talk you go through now, the more at ease you’ll feel. This stuff is a bit of a fill-in in my opinion, but if the happy couple have asked for it, it’s your job to deliver.

Without further ado, and with the thank you’s done… SPEECH!

Have your speech of some description on paper, or cards. Keep it simple headlines, or read the entire thing. This part is up to you and you need to go with what’s most comfortable. Just try to look around the audience as often as you look down at your speech. Keep them engaged. I struggle with this, but force myself to look around the room. Find a mate, or your girlfriend and give them eye contact frequently. You’ll keep your audience on their toes. But read it from a piece of paper, without looking up, and they’ll lose interest.

As for the content, well let’s just say I’ve been perusing YouTube for “worst best man’s speeches” and my advice is to keep it clean. Don’t bring up anything that makes marriage sound like the worst thing since public floggings (if you do, the mother-in-law is likely to take you outside for one).

This is one couple’s BIG day. A lot of time and money has gone into it and you don’t want to be the one remembered for spoiling it. Choose your funny stories about the groom, make him squirm a little but keep it clean enough for children, parents and grandparents. I do sometimes write poems that have rude material, but the obvious words are very often missing, leaving the people in the know to fill the gaps. It adds to the comedy.

How long do i have to be up here?

Five minutes? That’s not bad, especially if you’ve made them laugh and they want more. And this is where the poem comes in. Your speech can be boring, lacklustre and leave you looking like a tool in front of everyone (I was like this once), but finish with a funny, rhyming poem and you’re about to look like a superstar! I am completely serious.

You can get up there and grunt like a pig for five minutes, then read out a funny poem and your animal impressions will soon be forgotten. I’m not just making this stuff up, I’ve been the one in the firing line and it was pretty awful until I read the poem. Long, drawn out stories about the groom, no matter how funny they are to you, are absolute rubbish unless you’re a good story teller. A poem doesn’t have any room for fluff. It’s just headlines put together designed to make people laugh. What’s the first thing that catches your attention in a newspaper or an advert? It’s not the article, it’s the short sentence at the top leaving you wanting more.

Imagine lots of those headlines put together in a poem. Just enough material to make them laugh and keep them guessing. You don’t have to tell the whole story, all you need is enough to make them laugh. We have artistic licence, no one’s going to shout out and say “No, that’s not what happened”, and by the same token we don’t want to make up a load of rubbish.

If you give me all the material you’re prepared to use, I’ll turn it into a poem leaving you looking like the best best man they’ve ever seen. I’ve had best men write to me who, for whatever reason, hardly know the groom. They struggle with stories about him, know little of his interests and hobbies, but i work with them to find out all the little intricate parts of the relationship and put it together with some humour. Believe me, I’ve had some pretty sketchy information before now, but always managed to get a funny poem together.

Now, it’s up to you.

I haven’t added to the blog for sometime now, but I’m still here writing. I hope this post is informative and helps you whether you want a poem or no. And if you do, just write to me at thebestmanspoem. Thanks for reading.