The Best Man Rules.

Guys, pick a number, one or two.

  1. You’re the sort of fella that can just get up and chat away in front of a crowd of people like it’s a fun, everyday experience? It feels great, you’re confident, and you can nail these situations?
  2. Or does the thought of talking in front of large numbers make you physically sick? And you would rather be anywhere else right now?


As much as it’s nice to say, “Hey, I’m the first one, I was born to talk!”, most guys struggle with it because it’s bloody hard. Nothing to feel bad about here. It’s just hard.

And it doesn’t feel good to actually admit you’re number two. Of course it doesn’t. You want to be the guy that acts all blasé and gives the impression this happens everyday, as per, while knocking out an amazing speech that has everyone in stitches.

I have some bad, but mainly good, news.

Most of us, being honest, come in choosing the second option. It’s how our minds work. We were out the day before doing something we loved, having a beer, enjoying life. That’s our fun place. It’s safe. We want to keep doing this forever as long as it doesn’t get boring.

Just to think about getting up in front of everyone and facing embarrassment is not a safe place. It’s a downright horrible place. And it will haunt you all the way up to the wedding day.

But you’ve been tasked with this speech and, I’m telling you now, we’re going to get through it together. No, I won’t be stood alongside you, but I’ll give you the tools to deliver an awesome speech and also give you the confidence to realise you can do this, and nothing bad is going to happen!

The promise.

We are going to take the least confident public speaker out there, and arm them with their own material. Yes, everything I use comes from you. Your stories, your memories.

Scared? Don’t be. You’re better at this than you think.

All I’m going to do is take the funniest bits (and I read them first so I already have a pretty good idea), and turn them into something that will have your audience wanting to hear more and more. And when you get up there, barely able to talk, but start to realise that “Hang on, they love this!”, you’ll be wishing you could stand up there for an hour!

And it goes a little like this:

  1. You watch the other speeches; this makes you more nervous because they’re better than you expected.
  2. It’s your turn, your throat goes dry even though you just necked another drink.
  3. You fumble through a few thank you’s, it’s intense, you want to go to the bar, home or have a nice weekend in N. Korea. Anywhere would be better right now.
  4. You let the audience know you’re going to finish the speech with a poem (as far as they’re aware, you wrote it, do not tell them any different).
  5. Nice, slowly and clearly, start to read the poem from the paper you’ve printed out at home.
  6. As hard as it is, look around the audience while they’re laughing. You will have time between verses, and it will intensify your enjoyment when you see their reaction.
  7. Nail it home! They will be in stitches and you will be waiting for them to fall silent before you can continue with each verse. Enjoy this moment.


You will be coming up to the last verse and saying congratulations to the happy couple before you know it. Not only that, but you’ll wish you had more verses to read out because you feel bloody great right now!

Don’t hold back guys, get in touch, let’s get you the confidence to deal with a large audience and have everyone eating out the palm of your hand. In less than ten minutes you will have gone from downright scared, to being the bloke that can take on anything. And the funny thing is, it’s your audience that will take you to that place.

Email me now: for the best rates we’ve ever had.


C’mon Chaps, We Have To Stand Together!

It’s all about us!

It’s on our shoulders boys, it’s time to wise up. You’re going into the unknown here, and you have to deliver a speech impeccably. You want everyone in awe as they hang on each and every word uttered from your quivering lips. It’s not a pleasant thought.

You’re nervous, you want the toilet, then an earthquake to take the building down, or even Donald Trump to press the button just so you can get out of this situation!

Yes, it’s serious.

But why? You’re just a bit-part at a wedding. Someone who’s probably helped arrange a session on the beer and an afternoons paint balling. The rings have been handed over, so the last part of your duties is the speech. Done.

I’ll tell you why it’s serious if you just let me finish. You are the most important person at this wedding. Sure, the bride and groom have their little place, but the comedy genius is remembered forever. And that, my friend, is going to be you.

Now, if the groom treads on the bride’s dress ripping it apart leaving her in her undies, the laughs will go on forever (and it won’t matter how funny your speech is). But because this is as likely as Donald Trump starting World War 3 just as you’re about to start your speech, you’d do well to ensure your little talk is going to blow them away.

You see, weddings are pretty much just a wedding. We’ve all been there, got drunk, had a great time, but the one bit they all look forward to is that speech. The speech you’re about to deliver. So you are actually the most important fella there. Remember it.

How many times have I written about who not to offend, how to take it easy on the rudeness, almost let something slip but not quite. Get this right and you’re going on YouTube for the right reasons.

So think about this. Get up and thank a few people, try a couple of jokes maybe, and then what about delivering a knockout poem that leaves everybody in stitches?

Let me write one for you and I guarantee you’ll get laughs and your audience will be putty in your hands. If you’re confident enough to get through the whole thing on your own, great, you don’t need my help. But if you get even slightly nervous standing up in front of a crowd, get in touch.

I know only too well how your mind can go blank in those circumstances. Have a poem ready and be the most important person of the day! (The bride and groom will be glad you did too.)

I’m Ben, and I can be found at — speak soon.

KISS – Keep It Simple Stupid.

No, It’s not an insult.

But I do need your help when it comes to preparing a poem. When I write a best man’s poem I want everyone to be happy – that means you, me, but mainly the entire wedding party. We want laughs right?


I don’t write generic tosh that you can find online, or in books. Everything I write is unique to you and the groom because you’re giving me the information, which is why I need as much info from you as possible. I’m not happy with my poems if I’m having to fill verses up with rubbish because of a lack of description, but it’s even worse for you because you’re going to read it to a, potentially, large audience. So give me as much as you can.

I received an email the other day that had no body text whatsoever. The title basically said “I need a poem, my name is John and the groom’s name is Bill”. I did actually reply, stating what I needed to write one, but heard no more which, in hindsight, was probably a good thing. Believe me, I try to keep it as basic as possible, but there’s a few things I need to know about to write a good poem.

You want a good poem right? You do want to sound like the best, best man in the business?

So, detail is good; but likewise, please don’t expect a two-page essay to be condensed into a four-line verse. I will get it in there, but it will only contain the basics needed to be funny, punchy and, above all, entertaining. And I’m in a pretty good position to work that out because I’ve never met the groom, and don’t know his background. If I read your stories and start laughing, which I do frequently, I will pick out all the parts that matter so that members of the audience who haven’t heard the stories before can have a laugh too. If you want to mention half the family, the pets and what they had for breakfast yesterday, do it in the main speech, otherwise your poem will suffer. I want you to come out of this experience saying that was a wonderful experience, that everyone was laughing because of you, not at you.

We’ve all heard someone drone on and on in a speech, and by the time you get to the punchline you just want to kill yourself. Hell, I’ve probably even done a couple like that myself! And that’s why this service is so popular. I’m not saying I’m the best poet since Keats, but people like what I write and these poems seem to work well. So let’s have a look at what I need from you to get a good poem:

  1. The bride and groom’s name. Yes, surprisingly I need this. I try to talk about them both, get a congratulations in there somewhere and keep the poem personable. It’s important.
  2. How long you’ve known the groom. I’ll start off by saying how you met, how long ago and give a little history. A lot of the audience might not even know who you are. Let them get to know you, warm to you and they’ll love your speech.
  3. His hobbies/interests/habits. With any luck he collects film star’s toenails, has a comb-over, or plays golf in ridiculous clothes. Whatever, I’ll try to incorporate it and make everyone laugh. Give me as much as possible, it makes it easier.
  4. Funny stories. There has to be one… surely? The slightest thing might get a laugh if written correctly. If you can’t talk about the full story, let me hint at it and watch him squirm.
  5. How he met the bride. The most important person in that room is the bride. It’s her big day and she wants to feel special. A lot of time and money has gone into this day so don’t ruin it. The groom will take the knocks and jokes at his expense, but the bride won’t want things to go over the top, and there will be people filming so keep it nice. You will come across far better if the bride is happy (the groom will be happier too).
  6. As a couple. What do they do? What plans do they have? If there’s something good, I’ll try and get it across. Keep it basic – it’s not as important as the other points but useful if you’re struggling for funny stories.
  7. What about you? Is there something that’s especially important to you? Again, basic is better, but it’s your speech so write it down and let me know.

And that should do it.

It’s food for thought and should allow you to better prepare. I know there’s a lot of guys that can’t stand to write anything down, but you only have one chance to deliver your poem. Get this bit right and you will nail your speech!

An Example of a Sample… Poem

As can be expected, a lot of guys want to know exactly what their best man’s poem will look like. Are the verses all four lines long, will it rhyme, and will the bridesmaids fall head-over-heels in love with me when I read it out?

Yes, yes, and maybe…

So I thought I’d better add another sample of a poem I wrote, just to give you a heads-up. Every poem is unique, written from the information you give me. If I don’t have enough, I’ll quiz you some more until we get it right. When it’s done you will have the added confidence to nail your speech. It doesn’t matter how the first bit goes, once you get into the poem and the guests are all laughing, you’re going to be the hero.

Take a look at this and you’ll get an idea on how it will look, and if you do have best man’s duties to perform, just write to me at thebestmanspoem today.


It took quite a while, to warm to this chap,

His clothes were a mess, and his hairstyle crap.

But that’s just the way, with people like Pete,

And now I don’t notice, his big smelly feet!

For a midweek drink, we’d often indulge,

And go cycling next day, to work off the bulge.

By the weekend we’d need, a beer fix again,

The week soon forgotten, once we’d drunk ten!

In the years since we met, he’s done funny things,

And he brightens up work, ‘cause he always sings.

When a job goes tits-up, or the workshop’s aflame,

I guarantee now, old Pete gets the blame!

He can get quite flustered, when a customer moans,

And he won’t let it go, like a dog with a bone.

His face goes bright red, and his veins start to pop,

And it’s wise to move on, before you get dropped!

Thanks for reading, and I look forward to hearing from you…

Last Minute Fears and the Lucky Bastards!

Finding it easy.

A few years ago, I watched a mate of mine do a speech at his sister’s wedding. The groom didn’t have too many close friends so they asked Steve to be the best man. No worries.

So we arrive at reception and Steve sits down with a pint of Guinness and starts writing down notes – he didn’t even have a speech prepared!

We all sat down, ate food and, as you do, looked forward to the the speeches. He blew everyone away. So natural and confident he sounded like he was loving it, and could’ve stayed there all day. He got away with leaving it all to the last minute.

But I can’t do that.

My mind goes blank when I’m staring at a huge group of people, and I want to be anywhere but there. Once up and running, with notes to back me up, I love it but until then my confidence plummets.

A poem I just wrote is for a guy who said in his initial email “standing in front of a crowd makes me feel physically sick, like I’m gonna pass out”. The groom knows this, and is loving every minute of it!

But little does the groom know, because of the information the best man gave me, I’ve written a poem that has helped boost his confidence. He already feels much better and I think he’s going to get up there and blow the whole audience away. I can’t wait to hear how it goes.

Want my advice?

Write down notes or write a complete speech but, above all, write a funny poem to finish it all off. You’ll have a captive audience and a well structured poem will leave them wanting more and more. When you’re reading out a funny, rhyming poem you can’t deviate, you can’t get boring, you can’t forget what you were saying… but you can have them eating from your hand.

When you’re having to wait for the laughter to subside before you can read the next verse, you’re going to wish you could go on forever!

P.S. By the way, the poem I just sent to the guy that feels physically sick at standing in front of a crowd just sent me this:

Dude I am dying. That’s the best!!!! This makes me feel confident. I love it”. 

Happy days!

If you think that could benefit you, email me at and let’s get started.

Amaze Yourself With These 10 Best Man Speech Tips!

So far in my life, I’ve been asked to be the best man twice!  I’m either doing something very wrong, or right. Yes it’s worrying, but here’s ten top tips that might help:

  1. Be prepared before the day. Write down anything and everything you want to say on paper, or small cards, and keep it on you at all times. Add to it whenever you remember something new, funny or appropriate.
  2. Practise your speech whenever you can, but always make sure you have the paper or cards with you on the day (don’t rely on memory — it may go blank).
  3. Your job is to thank bridesmaids, flower girls, or anyone else nominated by the happy couple. Do that first and get it out of the way, it’ll help to relax you.
  4. Have a drink, but keep it moderate. You don’t want to be drunk, just merry and relaxed. And always have a drink on your table because your throat will go dry!
  5. If you wear glasses or contact lenses, make sure you have them with you. There’s nothing worse than having your speech with you, but then struggling to read it (I made this mistake!).
  6. Breathe slowly while the build up to your speech is on. Enjoy the other speeches, and don’t think you can’t compete with their humour… you can!
  7. Find a familiar face in the audience. Keep scanning around as you speak, but always go back to the same person — it’ll help to calm you.
  8. Ignore hecklers, they can actually have the effect of taking the pressure off you — pause, smile and embrace it.
  9. Bear in mind that there will be younger and older members of both families there so keep the language clean and leave anything offensive out — you want everyone to love you!
  10. Finish off the speech with a poem. Don’t laugh, it’s a lifesaver. If the speech didn’t get many laughs, a funny poem will have them in stitches (it’s saved me twice!).

If you’re wondering about the best way to end your speech, email me now on

The no-nerves guide to making a best man’s speech!

  • Does the idea of making a best man’s speech terrify you?
  • Maybe you’ve made a best man’s speech before, but it all went pear-shaped?
  • Can’t bear the feeling of the pre-speech butterflies?

You’re not alone!

The truth is, public speaking puts overwhelming fear into the hearts of most men.

So much to prove in front of so many friends and, worst of all, the happy couple’s families.  What’s more, it’s usually always uploaded to YouTube!

What if I could give you a new wave of confidence?

Still a little nerve-racking, but you’ll soon have the room in fits of laughter!  (That is an awesome feeling:)

Would that help?  Then let me write a poem for you.

I promise that when you’ve finished, you’ll be wishing it could go on and on.  That’s the feeling you get when the room is laughing with you.

The simple steps to a poem, unique and tailored for your big day, are as follows:

  1. Write me an email explaining how many verses you want, style of writing (humourous etc.)
  2. Give me the juicy details regarding your friendship with the groom, such as funny stories, embarrassing events, memorable occasions, family incidents (that are good to mention) and anything else you can think of.  Make sure that whatever is in the poem makes you stand out as the good guy!  Don’t make it offensive to his family – light humour is great, but not at the expense of older relatives etc.
  3. Give me the date of the big day, the venue and any other details that might be wotthy of a mention (it shows you put a lot of thought into your poem).
  4. Pay me via Paypal for the amount of verses required (only AU$9.00 per verse).
  5. Voila!  One poem on its way to you and a happy, adoring crowd – cheering for more!

My advice is to say a few words (maybe a basic speech), mumble a few thanks to the bridesmaids etc. and then save the poem until the last moment.  Having had one of my own speeches go sour (my mind went completely blank), I can vouch for how effective a funny poem at the end is!

Speak soon.

p.s. Email me on to get a poem perfect for you.