Writing Your Best Man’s Speech… Easily!

Nailing down the basics.

Your head’s hurting, your throat’s drying up, and your usually active mind has now gone blank. Your best mate has just asked you to be his best man.

You tell him “That’s awesome mate, I’d be honoured”.

But you think Why me? Why???

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We can nail this down within a week.

Confidence is going to carry you through this ordeal and that comes with a little bit of hard work now. Keep reading and I can get you to a stage where you actually want to stand up and captivate the audience with your speech. One week and you’ll be ready to perform, leaving you more time to prepare for the stag/bucks party. What are we waiting for?

Jot down a few notes first…

  • You’re there to thank a few people… the bridesmaids, the family, the guests. Say how nice it is that they could all be here. They’ll really appreciate it.
  • Relax and make a joke or two; how you’re overwhelmed/saddened/sick about being asked to perform this duty. But you’ll get your own back one day. Just don’t offend the bride or her family.
  • It’s a beautiful day for a wedding… whether it’s rain or shine. They’ll either laugh, or agree.
  • Read out a few of the cards, this is great for taking up a bit of time, and is the done thing at a lot of weddings. If they aren’t expecting it, read a few anyway.
  • Tell them that Aunt Gloria couldn’t make it because she’s having her wooden leg painted. (Make sure no one had an Aunt Gloria first though…)

Happy days, all this will get you used to talking in front of a crowd. I promise it will get easier as you go along. Feeling braver?

Well remember this, however you got through the first bit, whether you stammered nervously, or blew them away with your confidence, you’re about to go into the night as the best best man they’ve ever seen.

Because they’re not expecting a poem to finish the speech off. Telling funny stories about the groom is one thing, doing it via a poem that rhymes shows you’ve put a lot more effort into this than most. They’ll want more, and you’re going to have them rolling in laughter!

But I can’t write poems!

You don’t have to. Give me the information that I need (I’ll send you a few questions via email), and I’ll do the rest. Every poem is unique to the couple, and six or seven verses after your thank you speech is all you need to have everyone in the room hanging on your every word. You’re going to be amazing!

Not only that, it’s only going to cost you ten bucks a verse, via Paypal, and I write for guys and girls all round the world. Sixty bucks and your best man duties will go down in wedding folklore.

Check me out on Facebook or email me at thebestmanspoem@yahoo.com

Now feel the nerves subside when you realise you can actually stand up like a professional and nail this speech making after all.

 

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C’mon Chaps, We Have To Stand Together!

It’s all about us!

It’s on our shoulders boys, it’s time to wise up. You’re going into the unknown here, and you have to deliver a speech impeccably. You want everyone in awe as they hang on each and every word uttered from your quivering lips. It’s not a pleasant thought.

You’re nervous, you want the toilet, then an earthquake to take the building down, or even Donald Trump to press the button just so you can get out of this situation!

Yes, it’s serious.

But why? You’re just a bit-part at a wedding. Someone who’s probably helped arrange a session on the beer and an afternoons paint balling. The rings have been handed over, so the last part of your duties is the speech. Done.

I’ll tell you why it’s serious if you just let me finish. You are the most important person at this wedding. Sure, the bride and groom have their little place, but the comedy genius is remembered forever. And that, my friend, is going to be you.

Now, if the groom treads on the bride’s dress ripping it apart leaving her in her undies, the laughs will go on forever (and it won’t matter how funny your speech is). But because this is as likely as Donald Trump starting World War 3 just as you’re about to start your speech, you’d do well to ensure your little talk is going to blow them away.

You see, weddings are pretty much just a wedding. We’ve all been there, got drunk, had a great time, but the one bit they all look forward to is that speech. The speech you’re about to deliver. So you are actually the most important fella there. Remember it.

How many times have I written about who not to offend, how to take it easy on the rudeness, almost let something slip but not quite. Get this right and you’re going on YouTube for the right reasons.

So think about this. Get up and thank a few people, try a couple of jokes maybe, and then what about delivering a knockout poem that leaves everybody in stitches?

Let me write one for you and I guarantee you’ll get laughs and your audience will be putty in your hands. If you’re confident enough to get through the whole thing on your own, great, you don’t need my help. But if you get even slightly nervous standing up in front of a crowd, get in touch.

I know only too well how your mind can go blank in those circumstances. Have a poem ready and be the most important person of the day! (The bride and groom will be glad you did too.)

I’m Ben, and I can be found at thebestmanspoem@yahoo.com — speak soon.

Spare A Thought For The Groom!

He’s going through the mill.

Statistics show that 99.9% of men getting married would rather be doing anything other than preparing for the big day. Mowing the lawn is no longer a chore, they’ll even trim the edges and sweep the drive afterwards. And if the car needs a wash too? Awesome!

But getting fitted for a suit? For fu… goodness’ sake.

Those statistics may or may not be true, but I do know the average fella isn’t tuned into big preparations of any kind. For my own wedding it was easy. My beautiful wife had everything sorted and I just had to go into a shop, with my wife, choose a reasonable looking suit, with my wife, make sure it fitted, with my wife, find some shoes, with my wife, and I was good to go. I’m very lucky in that most of the gear in the shops fits straight off the shelf for me, so it was very much a case of bing bang boo, that’ll do.

But in conversation with a mate lately, I was hearing about fittings, matching suits for the hundreds or so groomsmen, pageboys and carpark attendants, going shopping for ties, “wedding things”, venues, cakes, invitations — hell, it was scaring me! And I thought the best man had a tough job.

And then, of course, there’s the rehearsal. What evil-minded, masochistic son of a person could have come up with this idea? A rehearsal?

A wedding before the wedding! Are you having a laugh? Can’t we just wing it?

I’ve been winging it all my life, just follow the lead of the fella at the front. He even tells you what to say!

But noooo, we go along with this “preparation” for the good of our futures, to prolong our lives if you will. Because if you have so much as a foot out of place when you’re standing alongside your goddess, you’ll feel two eyes boring holes through your skull… trust me, at this point just keep looking straight ahead. Don’t worry, she won’t say anything at the time because the vicar will be holding court in front of you (but there will be plenty of time for that later… oh yes, plenty of time).

But back to the groom.

On top of his planning, preparation and whatnot, he has to come up with a classy speech. It doesn’t have to be much, just about how they met, how his life has changed for the better, how he now has beautiful in-laws, a load of thank you’s, a few jokes at the best man’s expense before he returns the favour, and he’s pretty much there. Easy.

Not.

Some guys find it easy, some find it extremely difficult, but I can help with that. If you want to put down the basics, I can rearrange it into a poem or speech that you’ll feel comfortable with, and will also help the beautiful bride forget about all the cock-ups you made during the ceremony.

Worried because it won’t have come from you, or the heart? That it isn’t real, or natural? Let’s be perfectly honest here, nothing about this wedding business has been natural so far, so work on getting the tears flowing, and laughter rolling, and keep your stress to a minimum.

Get this part right, come out the hero, and then celebrate with a few pints with the lads as per. Sorted.

For the ladies…

In case you’ve been reading any of this, and you probably shouldn’t in case you go questioning your intended spouse, but that’s life. We can’t change nature.

Geezers, lads, gents in the broader sense, aren’t generally interested in all the palaver that goes along with a marriage — that’s just the way it is. Isn’t it enough that they let you go out and spend months organising absolutely everything, and still turn up on the big day to make you happy? Let’s be honest, it’s not a lot to ask.

Sooooo…

Lads, gents, please get in touch, message me here, or email me at thebestmanspoem@yahoo.com and let’s make at least one part of this wedding easy… and pleasurable.

Speak soon, Ben.

P.s. Some of that may have been tongue in cheek…
P.p.s. I think I feel eyes boring holes…