Archive for the ‘Sample poem’ Category

No, It’s not an insult.

But I do need your help when it comes to preparing a poem. When I write a best man’s poem I want everyone to be happy – that means you, me, but mainly the entire wedding party. We want laughs right?


I don’t write generic tosh that you can find online, or in books. Everything I write is unique to you and the groom because you’re giving me the information, which is why I need as much info from you as possible. I’m not happy with my poems if I’m having to fill verses up with rubbish because of a lack of description, but it’s even worse for you because you’re going to read it to a, potentially, large audience. So give me as much as you can.

I received an email the other day that had no body text whatsoever. The title basically said “I need a poem, my name is John and the groom’s name is Bill”. I did actually reply, stating what I needed to write one, but heard no more which, in hindsight, was probably a good thing. Believe me, I try to keep it as basic as possible, but there’s a few things I need to know about to write a good poem.

You want a good poem right? You do want to sound like the best, best man in the business?

So, detail is good; but likewise, please don’t expect a two-page essay to be condensed into a four-line verse. I will get it in there, but it will only contain the basics needed to be funny, punchy and, above all, entertaining. And I’m in a pretty good position to work that out because I’ve never met the groom, and don’t know his background. If I read your stories and start laughing, which I do frequently, I will pick out all the parts that matter so that members of the audience who haven’t heard the stories before can have a laugh too. If you want to mention half the family, the pets and what they had for breakfast yesterday, do it in the main speech, otherwise your poem will suffer. I want you to come out of this experience saying that was a wonderful experience, that everyone was laughing because of you, not at you.

We’ve all heard someone drone on and on in a speech, and by the time you get to the punchline you just want to kill yourself. Hell, I’ve probably even done a couple like that myself! And that’s why this service is so popular. I’m not saying I’m the best poet since Keats, but people like what I write and these poems seem to work well. So let’s have a look at what I need from you to get a good poem:

  1. The bride and groom’s name. Yes, surprisingly I need this. I try to talk about them both, get a congratulations in there somewhere and keep the poem personable. It’s important.
  2. How long you’ve known the groom. I’ll start off by saying how you met, how long ago and give a little history. A lot of the audience might not even know who you are. Let them get to know you, warm to you and they’ll love your speech.
  3. His hobbies/interests/habits. With any luck he collects film star’s toenails, has a comb-over, or plays golf in ridiculous clothes. Whatever, I’ll try to incorporate it and make everyone laugh. Give me as much as possible, it makes it easier.
  4. Funny stories. There has to be one… surely? The slightest thing might get a laugh if written correctly. If you can’t talk about the full story, let me hint at it and watch him squirm.
  5. How he met the bride. The most important person in that room is the bride. It’s her big day and she wants to feel special. A lot of time and money has gone into this day so don’t ruin it. The groom will take the knocks and jokes at his expense, but the bride won’t want things to go over the top, and there will be people filming so keep it nice. You will come across far better if the bride is happy (the groom will be happier too).
  6. As a couple. What do they do? What plans do they have? If there’s something good, I’ll try and get it across. Keep it basic – it’s not as important as the other points but useful if you’re struggling for funny stories.
  7. What about you? Is there something that’s especially important to you? Again, basic is better, but it’s your speech so write it down and let me know.

And that should do it.

It’s food for thought and should allow you to better prepare. I know there’s a lot of guys that can’t stand to write anything down, but you only have one chance to deliver your poem. Get this bit right and you will nail your speech!

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As can be expected, a lot of guys want to know exactly what their best man’s poem will look like. Are the verses all four lines long, will it rhyme, and will the bridesmaids fall head-over-heels in love with me when I read it out?

Yes, Yes, and maybe…

So I thought I’d better add another sample of a poem I wrote, just to give you a heads-up. Every poem is unique, written from the information you give me. If I don’t have enough, I’ll quiz you some more until we get it right. When it’s done you will have the added confidence to nail your speech. It doesn’t matter how the first bit goes, once you get into the poem and the guests are all laughing, you’re going to be the hero.

Take a look at this and you’ll get an idea on how it will look, and if you do have best man’s duties to perform, just write to me at thebestmanspoem today.


It took quite a while, to warm to this chap,

His clothes were a mess, and his hairstyle crap.

But that’s just the way, with people like Pete,

And now I don’t notice, his big smelly feet!

For a midweek drink, we’d often indulge,

And go cycling next day, to work off the bulge.

By the weekend we’d need, a beer fix again,

The week soon forgotten, once we’d drunk ten!

In the years since we met, he’s done funny things,

And he brightens up work, ‘cause he always sings.

When a job goes tits-up, or the workshop’s aflame,

I guarantee now, old Pete gets the blame!

He can get quite flustered, when a customer moans,

And he won’t let it go, like a dog with a bone.

His face goes bright red, and his veins start to pop,

And it’s wise to move on, before you get dropped!

Thanks for reading, and I look forward to hearing from you…

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These Guys Were SO Happy!

I always ask for a little feedback on how the poems went because, well I just want to know they did the job, that you got the laugh you all wanted. And the confidence, let’s not forget the confidence.

That’s what it’s all about, going in prepared. That audience wants you to do well – they want to be entertained. There’s not that many heartless bastards out there that actually want to see someone fail, trust me. For five minutes you’re going to have them eating out of the palm of your hand, and wanting more.

Yesterday I heard back from Eric who’d been petrified about his speech, I mentioned him in a previous post. I wrote a ten verse poem with plenty of humour, but also enough to show that he really cared about his mate. He loved the poem and said that he felt much more confident going in. This is what I received:

Ben.  Thanks a million. I can’t believe how good this came out. I had people that I didn’t know. Come to me and say.  Dude. Can you do the speech at my wedding!!!   It was awesome. It went off better than I ever thought it would. I had no reason to be nervous what so ever.  This was unbelievable. It gave me more confidence than I ever thought I had.   I can’t thank you enough.  It’s worth every penny. Your the man Ben. 
That blew me away!
And from another happy best man:
That is absolutely cracking mate. Thanks very much for your help, I’ll certainly be recommending your work to others.
I will obviously pass the poem off as my own work!
Thank you very much guys! It’s a pleasure to help out.
Remember, if you want an audience crying with laughter at your speech, get in touch at thebestmanspoem@yahoo.com today!

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Finding it easy.

I watched a mate of mine do a speech at his sister’s wedding. The groom didn’t have too many close friends so they asked Steve to be the best man. No worries, so we arrive at reception and Steve sits down with a pint and starts writing down notes – he didn’t even have a speech prepared!

We all sat down, ate food and, as you do, looked forward to the the speeches. He blew everyone away. So natural and confident he sounded like he was loving it, and could’ve stayed there all day. He got away with last-minute prep.

But I can’t do that.

My mind goes blank when I’m staring at a huge group of people, and I want to be anywhere but there. Once up and running, with notes to back me up, I love it, but until then my confidence plummets.

A poem I just wrote is for a guy who said in his initial email “standing in front of a crowd makes me feel physically sick, like I’m gonna pass out”. The groom knows this (and is loving every minute of it), but I think we may have just given the best man the confidence to get up there and blow the whole audience away. I can’t wait to hear how it goes.

Want my advice?

Write down notes, write a speech, and above all, write a funny poem. When you have a captive audience, a well-structured piece of writing, like a poem, will have them wanting more and more. When you’re reading funny, rhyming content, you can’t deviate, you can’t get boring, you can’t forget what you were saying, but you can have them eating from your hand.

When you’re having to wait for the laughter to subside before you can read the next verse, you’re going to wish you could go on forever!

P.S. By the way, the poem I just sent got me the following reply Dude I am dying. That’s the best!!!! This makes me feel confident. I love it”. Happy days!

If you think that could benefit you, email me at thebestmanspoem@yahoo.com and let’s get started.

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I must apologise for the lack of posts, but more importantly, my lack of replies lately! It seems I’ve missed out on quite a few potential poems because I got sucked in with other projects. Damn! No excuses – I hate to let people down so all I can say is I hope all went well for the big day.

So, that brings me onto the next subject – Alcohol!

It’s what makes a great wedding! Pint after pint, Champagne’s a flowing, just the job to get that speech underway.

Hmm, while it does help to ease the nerves, too much and you run the risk of making a fool of yourself, the bride and groom!

And it’s not as easy to apologise to a room full of people as it was for me with this blog post. (Don’t forget, you might be having breakfast with the same crowd in the morning!)

But that’s enough of the preaching.

So you’ve lashed out loads on the stag do, drunk more beer than any living man has a right to, but are prepared to skimp on the thing that everyone remembers – the speech!

Yes, weddings are costly, but you might only get one chance to make it count. I can knock a cracking poem together, out of your favourite memories, for as little as ten bucks a verse! It’s something you and the groom can keep forever. He’s gonna love it, the bride’s gonna love it and, just as importantly, the family and friends are gonna love it. You’ll be the stand-out hero, and the feeling you get when everyone’s laughing along with you (and not at you) is one of the best in the world.

Get in touch today, and make it easy on yourself. It’s the perfect end to any speech.

So email me today at thebestmanspoem@yahoo.com and let’s ease the burden of your big day!

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Extracts from a Poem for Best Man Jon.


For sixteen years we’ve been the best of mates,

And it was down to me to help Tim with dates,

But not one word of thanks, did I get from him,

When I ducked first, and he took one on the chin!


But that was us, just out to have fun,

In pubs, on bikes, out for a run,

Our destiny was set and we knew as much,

Because I had the gab, and he had the touch.


Then he met Kate, and everything changed,

His love for her could shine through rain,

He deserved to be happy, cos he’s such a good bloke,

So well done Tim, from me and your folks.


Anyone can see, these two are in love,

And getting them together took a wee shove,

But pulling them apart, would take a hell of a lot more,

Because this is true love, and of that I’m sure.


Ladies and Gentlemen, would you stand with me,

There’s no other place that I’d rather be,

Lift up your glasses, enjoy this great day,

The sooner I’m finished, the sooner I’m paid.


Just a few of the nine verses from the original poem.

If you want to make your audience laugh with a unique, humourous poem based on your memories, write to me at thebestmanspoem@yahoo.com today.

Look forward to hearing from you, Ben.

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How to Shake the Butterflies!

First thing’s first, this isn’t your big day. Keep telling yourself that and you should feel better. The only bit that’s nerve-racking for you is the speech, which is later on – for now you must look after the groom.

Set the alarm!

Whatever you do, make sure he’s up! On my big day, the best man had to get me down to the local tool hire shop, organise a carpet shampooer, feed me a McDonalds and then clean our lounge carpet because I managed to barf all over it the night before. This wasn’t my finest moment, but we got away with it! Needless to say, he was an absolute legend and got me to the venue in plenty of time!

So, getting the groom ready:

  • help with the suit and buttonhole,
  • check the rings (don’t forget the rings!),
  • have breakfast,
  • make sure you both have your speeches,
  • get him to the church,
  • make sure he’s been to the toilet,
  • calm and reassure him,
  • get him a soother if needed (hip flask is useful),
  • be prepared to go on errands if needed (all sorts of things can crop up on the big day!)


Stick with the main man. He’ll probably be nervous as hell by now so talk to him.

The actual service will go without a hitch – trust me. The celebrant, vicar, minister or whatever will guide you if you’ve forgotten anything, so hand over those rings (you did remember them didn’t you?) and soon the happy couple will be kissing as man and wife. It’s that easy! Woop!

The Photographer

Get outside when you can and help the photographer get the right people into the right places so the snaps can be taken. This can go on for a while but, for you, not long enough as the speeches are yet to come. Once everything is done here, you can head to the reception.


My advice, which isn’t much good to a teetotaler, is to have a couple of swift pints to calm your own nerves. Get one for the groom too. You want to be mellow, not wasted, or the speech is going tits up! I’ve witnessed such an event and, although funny for the crowd, not good for the families, happy couple or the best man. Take it steady!

Enjoy your meal. I’ve never had a problem with eating due to nerves, but some people struggle. Try and forget about it and enjoy the first few speeches. If there’s a couple of dodgy ones, all the better for you. Remember, the crowd will be fixated on you, and that actually makes it easier to get a laugh. You could almost get up and grunt and somebody will give a giggle.

If you really want them rolling on the floor laughing, email me NOW at thebestmanspoem@yahoo.com and I’ll write you a poem that’ll have them in stitches, and makes a great gift for the groom too!

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