Writing Your Best Man’s Speech… Easily!

Nailing down the basics.

Your head’s hurting, your throat’s drying up, and your usually active mind has now gone blank. Your best mate has just asked you to be his best man.

You tell him “That’s awesome mate, I’d be honoured”.

But you think Why me? Why???


We can nail this down within a week.

Confidence is going to carry you through this ordeal and that comes with a little bit of hard work now. Keep reading and I can get you to a stage where you actually want to stand up and captivate the audience with your speech. One week and you’ll be ready to perform, leaving you more time to prepare for the stag/bucks party. What are we waiting for?

Jot down a few notes first…

  • You’re there to thank a few people… the bridesmaids, the family, the guests. Say how nice it is that they could all be here. They’ll really appreciate it.
  • Relax and make a joke or two; how you’re overwhelmed/saddened/sick about being asked to perform this duty. But you’ll get your own back one day. Just don’t offend the bride or her family.
  • It’s a beautiful day for a wedding… whether it’s rain or shine. They’ll either laugh, or agree.
  • Read out a few of the cards, this is great for taking up a bit of time, and is the done thing at a lot of weddings. If they aren’t expecting it, read a few anyway.
  • Tell them that Aunt Gloria couldn’t make it because she’s having her wooden leg painted. (Make sure no one had an Aunt Gloria first though…)

Happy days, all this will get you used to talking in front of a crowd. I promise it will get easier as you go along. Feeling braver?

Well remember this, however you got through the first bit, whether you stammered nervously, or blew them away with your confidence, you’re about to go into the night as the best best man they’ve ever seen.

Because they’re not expecting a poem to finish the speech off. Telling funny stories about the groom is one thing, doing it via a poem that rhymes shows you’ve put a lot more effort into this than most. They’ll want more, and you’re going to have them rolling in laughter!

But I can’t write poems!

You don’t have to. Give me the information that I need (I’ll send you a few questions via email), and I’ll do the rest. Every poem is unique to the couple, and six or seven verses after your thank you speech is all you need to have everyone in the room hanging on your every word. You’re going to be amazing!

Not only that, it’s only going to cost you ten bucks a verse, via Paypal, and I write for guys and girls all round the world. Sixty bucks and your best man duties will go down in wedding folklore.

Check me out on Facebook or email me at thebestmanspoem@yahoo.com

Now feel the nerves subside when you realise you can actually stand up like a professional and nail this speech making after all.



The Best Man Rules.

Guys, pick a number, one or two.

  1. You’re the sort of fella that can just get up and chat away in front of a crowd of people like it’s a fun, everyday experience? It feels great, you’re confident, and you can nail these situations?
  2. Or does the thought of talking in front of large numbers make you physically sick? And you would rather be anywhere else right now?


As much as it’s nice to say, “Hey, I’m the first one, I was born to talk!”, most guys struggle with it because it’s bloody hard. Nothing to feel bad about here. It’s just hard.

And it doesn’t feel good to actually admit you’re number two. Of course it doesn’t. You want to be the guy that acts all blasé and gives the impression this happens everyday, as per, while knocking out an amazing speech that has everyone in stitches.

I have some bad, but mainly good, news.

Most of us, being honest, come in choosing the second option. It’s how our minds work. We were out the day before doing something we loved, having a beer, enjoying life. That’s our fun place. It’s safe. We want to keep doing this forever as long as it doesn’t get boring.

Just to think about getting up in front of everyone and facing embarrassment is not a safe place. It’s a downright horrible place. And it will haunt you all the way up to the wedding day.

But you’ve been tasked with this speech and, I’m telling you now, we’re going to get through it together. No, I won’t be stood alongside you, but I’ll give you the tools to deliver an awesome speech and also give you the confidence to realise you can do this, and nothing bad is going to happen!

The promise.

We are going to take the least confident public speaker out there, and arm them with their own material. Yes, everything I use comes from you. Your stories, your memories.

Scared? Don’t be. You’re better at this than you think.

All I’m going to do is take the funniest bits (and I read them first so I already have a pretty good idea), and turn them into something that will have your audience wanting to hear more and more. And when you get up there, barely able to talk, but start to realise that “Hang on, they love this!”, you’ll be wishing you could stand up there for an hour!

And it goes a little like this:

  1. You watch the other speeches; this makes you more nervous because they’re better than you expected.
  2. It’s your turn, your throat goes dry even though you just necked another drink.
  3. You fumble through a few thank you’s, it’s intense, you want to go to the bar, home or have a nice weekend in N. Korea. Anywhere would be better right now.
  4. You let the audience know you’re going to finish the speech with a poem (as far as they’re aware, you wrote it, do not tell them any different).
  5. Nice, slowly and clearly, start to read the poem from the paper you’ve printed out at home.
  6. As hard as it is, look around the audience while they’re laughing. You will have time between verses, and it will intensify your enjoyment when you see their reaction.
  7. Nail it home! They will be in stitches and you will be waiting for them to fall silent before you can continue with each verse. Enjoy this moment.


You will be coming up to the last verse and saying congratulations to the happy couple before you know it. Not only that, but you’ll wish you had more verses to read out because you feel bloody great right now!

Don’t hold back guys, get in touch, let’s get you the confidence to deal with a large audience and have everyone eating out the palm of your hand. In less than ten minutes you will have gone from downright scared, to being the bloke that can take on anything. And the funny thing is, it’s your audience that will take you to that place.

Email me now: thebestmanspoem@yahoo.com for the best rates we’ve ever had.

C’mon Chaps, We Have To Stand Together!

It’s all about us!

It’s on our shoulders boys, it’s time to wise up. You’re going into the unknown here, and you have to deliver a speech impeccably. You want everyone in awe as they hang on each and every word uttered from your quivering lips. It’s not a pleasant thought.

You’re nervous, you want the toilet, then an earthquake to take the building down, or even Donald Trump to press the button just so you can get out of this situation!

Yes, it’s serious.

But why? You’re just a bit-part at a wedding. Someone who’s probably helped arrange a session on the beer and an afternoons paint balling. The rings have been handed over, so the last part of your duties is the speech. Done.

I’ll tell you why it’s serious if you just let me finish. You are the most important person at this wedding. Sure, the bride and groom have their little place, but the comedy genius is remembered forever. And that, my friend, is going to be you.

Now, if the groom treads on the bride’s dress ripping it apart leaving her in her undies, the laughs will go on forever (and it won’t matter how funny your speech is). But because this is as likely as Donald Trump starting World War 3 just as you’re about to start your speech, you’d do well to ensure your little talk is going to blow them away.

You see, weddings are pretty much just a wedding. We’ve all been there, got drunk, had a great time, but the one bit they all look forward to is that speech. The speech you’re about to deliver. So you are actually the most important fella there. Remember it.

How many times have I written about who not to offend, how to take it easy on the rudeness, almost let something slip but not quite. Get this right and you’re going on YouTube for the right reasons.

So think about this. Get up and thank a few people, try a couple of jokes maybe, and then what about delivering a knockout poem that leaves everybody in stitches?

Let me write one for you and I guarantee you’ll get laughs and your audience will be putty in your hands. If you’re confident enough to get through the whole thing on your own, great, you don’t need my help. But if you get even slightly nervous standing up in front of a crowd, get in touch.

I know only too well how your mind can go blank in those circumstances. Have a poem ready and be the most important person of the day! (The bride and groom will be glad you did too.)

I’m Ben, and I can be found at thebestmanspoem@yahoo.com — speak soon.

The Right Words Make ALL The Difference!

And the wrong ones…

Ever said the wrong thing to someone, and then watched the listener’s face drop?

Sure they might try to hide it, but it’s usually quite obvious and the hurt is done. It doesn’t feel very nice for you, let alone them, and you can’t take it back. In the real world, sorry is about as much use as an ashtray on a motorbike.

No acknowledgement, or apologies will make them feel any better.

So your job is important!

You’re going to get up in front of a large group of friends and family that all want the bride to have the best day of her life. One wrong word and you have the potential to spoil someone’s whole day, and more… so a little care now could save everybody embarrassment, including you.

I was recently asked to include a verse in a poem about the bride’s flatulence (that is seriously the most polite way I’ve ever put it). Apparently it was great joke amongst friends and the bride herself played on it too, so the best man thought it would go down a storm. But I advised against it.

My thoughts were that it’s her wedding and not a night out, or a few drinks at home. And some of her family and friends might think it rude — yes it’s funny, but only in the right situation. Once those words are out, it’s on video, it’s everywhere! Does she want to be watching that forever more? Probably not.

He agreed with me and we kept all the funny stuff for the groom, because that’s who deserves the stick, in a nice way. Anything I mention about the lucky lady will be written in a way as to make her feel very special. And, trust me me when I say, you will come out of this speechmaking business looking like the legend you are if you follow that advice.

Are you struggling with your speech?

Well nearly everyone does, so it’s not something you need to worry about, especially when I can help you. A funny poem at the end of a short thank you speech will have the audience eating out of your hand. It’s an awesome feeling.

Email me today at thebestmanspoem@yahoo.com and I guarantee a unique poem for you. No generic rubbish from the internet — it’s all based purely on the stories you give me. It’ll be funny, and will get you laughs and, if you’re nervous, will give you that added confidence to blow an audience away!

Don’t put it off, we’ll nail this together!


P.S. Short one today, and it’s been quite awhile between posts — hopefully that’s about to change. More soon…

The Feelgood Factor!

The Feelgood Factor!

And what the hell does that have to do with being the best man?

Pretty soon you’re going to be taking the floor and trying to wow an audience. It’s not enough that you know a few funny stories about the groom, that won’t cut it alone. You need to be able to deliver those stories in a humorous, heartfelt way.

“That’s ok, I’ll wing it.”

And I’ve done that too, and I also know it rarely works. The big day arrives and the pressure builds all the way up to the speeches. Nerves set in, the confidence begins to subside and your mind goes blank. You develop a stutter you never had before and you’re unable to drink without dribbling. Nice.

What about the feelgood thing?

The feelgood factor is a quality in something that makes you feel happy and positive about your life, a product… and even your best man’s speech.

When you have it you can take on anything, beat any odds and wow your audience with every word uttered. It’s like having your best mate right behind you for backup.

That would feel pretty good, wouldn’t it?

So take in some backup!

Arm yourself with the best ending to a speech you can get and let me write a poem for you. I promise it’ll be unique to you and the groom, not generic slush full of the usual wedding jokes.

Email me today at thebestmanspoem@yahoo.com to find out more — there’s only one shot at that speech!

To finish I’m going to leave something I was sent the other day, and is probably the best testimonial I’ve received. This poem had a bit of everything in it and seemed to hit a chord. So thanks D, it was very much appreciated!

Hay Ben Im soo amazed!!! Me and my girl friend were just laughing and then crying while reading this in bed! It is so spot on I can’t even begin to say!!! Yes I will make the pauses in the right places!! If you ever come back to England i will get the drinks in. Mate thankyou so much once again, lost for words!! 
Kindest regards 

Wedding Myth Busting: Beer Will Get Me Through The Speech.

Steve Hesketh Photography.

Good Old Dutch Courage.

With the wedding ceremony done and dusted, you rush to the reception as quickly as the driver can get you there — but even Jason Statham in a hurry wouldn’t be fast enough today. It’ll be the only time you’ve tried to be at the bar first, because it’s important to down six pints before sitting down for the meal. You’re the best man, you need a relaxer, a few pints as per, and a double JD and coke to sip while you’re knocking out the speech you threw together last night. Job’s a fish.

The Meal.

Everyone’s sat down. Everyone’s enjoying themselves. And everyone’s tucking in to a cracking meal… while relaxed. Everyone but you. The food might just as well be cardboard because there’s only two things on your mind right now — the speech, and the desperate need for more alcohol to relax. Oh, the joys of being a best man.

The guests are chatting, getting merry and waiting for the, all important, speeches to start. There’s a good atmosphere, and the father of the bride gets up and delivers a heart warming, funny speech. (Tosser!) The applause is amazing and the audience is almost salivating, lapping up every word. Let’s hope the groom gets up and is really unfunny. Please…

So, of course, the groom gets up and he’s bloody hilarious, he even has a dig at you. (Bastard!) Just wait until I get up, I’m going to be so funny now I’ve had a few, the comedy just rolls off the tongue after a few beers.

Finally the room falls silent after another rapturous applause, and all eyes are on you. You take another swig and try to stand, but your legs aren’t working properly. Wobbling to your feet, you look around and squeak a quick hello. You try to thank the bridesmaids; there’s brief laughter followed by silent disbelief as you instead mutter something about a spank. But that’s the least of your worries because the mother-in-law has just taken offence to something about “an old dragon”, yes the words are really flowing now! As the  father of the bride makes his way over to take a swing, you find the crowd divided; half of your audience want you to go on all night, the rest want you removed from the building. Either way, YouTube will let you relive that golden speech for years.

But I Digress… Does It Help?

Regarding nerves, it didn’t make a blind bit of difference to me, or those I’ve spoken to since. Sure, a couple of drinks helps the mood, but I was still nervous as hell. What really gets you through is knowing that the speech you’re about to deliver isn’t going to offend, will be funny, and will get the crowd behind you, not against you.

The only way to nail all three is to consider all aspects while… sober. You want the bride, groom, family and friends to laugh and warm to you. Tell funny stories without being crude, or leave them out altogether. Ask yourself would it offend your mother? Grandmother? It’s a simple test and you’ll be glad you used it.


If unsure, play it safe. Use different material and just have a couple of drinks… or get properly mullered and go down in a blaze of best man’s glory! (And please send me the link:)


If you have a wedding coming up and need a hand with your speech, get in touch today.


IMPORTANT! Please share if you know a guy getting married.

It’s not too late… run!

Wedding speeches made easy.Oops, but seriously, there’s thousands of guys out there at the moment absolutely petrified about one thing concerning their wedding:

  • It’s not the organising (surely she’s got that covered?)
  • It’s not the ceremony (just a matter of standing there and answering a few questions
  • It’s not even the risk of standing on their future wife’s dress (yay, I have a mate who did that:)

Nope, it’s the bloody speech. And it has a habit of creeping up on you… all good, there’s months before the big day… no worries… it’ll come naturally… oh bollo#@s!

The big day arrives.

You’ve been busy, too much to sort out, drinks with the boys, blah blah blah and you’re left with a shocking speech that even tumbleweed wouldn’t blow past. So what am I saying? For starters you could take a look through this blog to get all the tips you need on writing a funny speech. Yes, it’s based on the best man, but a lot of the same points apply. And then you could put down some ideas, get in the necessary thank you’s, share the love, and make your wife very proud (that’ll stand you in good stead). Sorted.

If you’re a friend of the groom, you could show him this post and give him half a chance of putting together a decent speech. He might pick out some good stuff that’ll actually help him. You see, what he’s about to do is very important and his wife is going to be relying on him to make it special. Getting up drunk and slurring through some old drivel while saying “I loves her I do” won’t be appreciated like a well prepared speech or poem. Believe me, she will love a poem!

And later on, when he’s just thrown up on the back of her dress and collapsed on the dance floor, he will always be able to say “But I wrote you a poem”, and she’ll just smile and forgive him immediately. Marital bliss huh?

Guys, get in touch if you need help with your speech. Email me at thebestmanspoem@yahoo.com and we’ll turn you into the hero we know you are!